JRR Tolkien once remarked that “Cellar Door” is perhaps the most beautiful sounding phrase in the English language.

Most English-speaking people…will admit that cellar door is ‘beautiful’, especially if dissociated from its sense (and from its spelling). More beautiful than, say, sky, and far more beautiful than beautiful. Well then, in Welsh for me cellar doors are extraordinarily frequent, and moving to the higher dimension, the words in which there is pleasure in the contemplation of the association of form and sense are abundant.

It has been suggested that Edgar Allan Poe first had this thought but Tolkien is the only one who ever documented it in writing so he gets the credit for it.

Anyway, after months of deliberation I’ve decided that the second best-sounding phrase in the English language is:

Plop the ham, thusly.

I believe it was coined in a video called “Pickle Surprise” back in the 80’s. The video has so many drag queens in it, it makes The Birdcage look like Full Metal Jacket. Of course, I have no sound on my work computer so I can’t verify such a thing.