There’s a Korean urban legend that states if you sleep in a sealed (windows, doors closed) room with an electric fan or air conditioner operating, you will die of suffocation. The belief states that the fan creates a vortex locally in the room resulting in a decreased air pressure and partial vacuum. Anyone unlucky enough to be in that vacuum will suffocate.

This gave me the idea for a new kind of fan death. I propose a new urban legend (we have to start talking about it NOW so it catches on in time for our grandchildren to benefit from it. These things take time) stating that any person with celebrity status will suffocate in their sleep if their collective of fans are too stupid.

The premise of the belief is this: the figurative sucking sound made by evacuation of the fans’ capacity for rational or useful thought creates a literal vortex in the celebrity’s local vicinity. The resulting drop in air pressure results in suffocation. Pointless, talentless, worthless celebs would swiftly be snuffed out. Even if it’s only a legend the hope would be that the fear of such a thing happening would hold aspiring Paris Hiltons in check before they decide to market their spoiled whore status (it probably wouldn’t but, whatever.)

Better leave that window open Sanjaya. The vortex is coming for your ass.