The city of Chicago is currently being considered (along with Los Angeles) to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. Should Chicago’s bid be accepted by the U.S. Olympic Committee, it will be submitted to the International Olympic Committee for final consideration alongside other cities such as Tokyo.

Under Mayor Daley’s plan, much of the games would take place on the city’s South Side, which, for all you non-Chicagoans, is the drug dealin’ thug lyfe part of the city.

In the spirit of the South Side, I would like to propose a new event for the 2016 games. It is a game that my dad used to play when he was growing up on the South Side.

The game is called “Grapefruit.” It is a three player game and requires a bushel of grapefruit and a car with windows that roll down all the way. The game’s umpire sits in the driver’s seat and drives the car.

Rules of Play: The umpire selects a gang of street thugs hanging out on a sidewalk or street corner. He pulls the car up next to them and begins the round of play by saying “grapefruit.” When the round has started the first player shall throw one of the grapefruit at the thugs. If he hits any part of any thug or their belongings (bags, radios, bicycles) then the umpire declares “hit!” and drives the car away. If the grapefruit fails to score a hit then the umpire declares “no.” When a “no” is declared the throwing player must exit the car and retrieve the grapefruit. Failure to retrieve the grapefruit for any reason results in disqualification. Players take turns throwing until all of the grapefruits are gone or all but one player is disqualified. The last remaining player in the car is declared the winner. If more than one player remains when the grapefruits are expended then the match goes into sudden death overtime.

Overtime Rules of Play: A case of beer is selected by the referee. At the Olympic level, cans will be used but amateurs may use bottles. The rounds work the same way as the regulation grapefruit rounds except that the players throw the empty beer containers at the thugs. Players must chug the beer immediately before they throw it. Failure to score a hit results in disqualification but at this stage it is not necessary to retrieve it.

A typical round of Grapefruit in which the umpire has declared a “no.”

I think this event will really capture the flavor of the South Side of Chicago and I hope that the IOC agrees with me.