We in Chicago take our hot dogs seriously. We’ve been known to build shrines and idols to the hot dog. The one pictured below is near the intersection of Milwaukee and Foster. The eyes of the beings atop the roof glow red with displeasure (literally, they glow red) at their place in the food chain.

But it seems that in the collective consciousness of America the hot dog is often ranked just above the urinal cake on the list of things we’re likely to have for lunch. Fortunately for the hot dog, Chicagoans like myself, raised in the mighty temples and shrines to the dog, are ready and willing to propose solutions to this crisis (you probably didn’t even know this was a crisis!)

1. Stop eating hot dogs at home - The dogs you buy at the store are garbage. They’re made out of sawdust and horse brains. There are other, healthier and thrifty solutions to quick meals in the home so stop buying them. They only serve to propagate the stereotype that hot dogs are crap. If you absolutely need to prepare some at home (for a cookout, perhaps) you had better pray that you live in an area where you can buy Vienna Beef at the supermarket. Otherwise, you’re just shit out of luck and your guests will be ordering pizza as soon as they get home from your party.
2. Gas stations and convenience stores are trying to kill you - I don’t know where the food items that these places serve come from but my imagination tells me that it’s a giant stainless steel storage silo labeled “gas station meat” in the middle of a hot Nebraska field somewhere. This same meat goes into their burritos, mini-tacos, mini-taquitos, slim jims, and novelty air fresheners. I get more satisfaction from going hungry for a couple hours than I do from eating anything that was re-heated inside a gas station. Stop buying them and eventually they’ll stop selling them.
3. Seek out a high-end hot dog - This might be tough depending on where you live. You might have to pay a little more than you’re used to if you’re used to eating sawdust and horse dogs from the supermarket. If you live far away from any true hot dog stands you may have to take a vacation to complete #3.