Sarah and Jake had been home schooled since the first grade. A recent incident involving their Grandpa Mortimer’s toes, an angry pit bull, and a visit to the local ER had done wonders to spark their enthusiasm for the upcoming Creationist Science Fair being held at the local Baptist auditorium. As they sat in the waiting room at the hospital their mother explained all about how God put those toes on Grandpa and He must have needed them back for some really important reason. After all, that’s why He put those sharp teeth on the pit bull.

The day of the fair rolled around and competition was tough. The third graders’ field in which Jake was competing contained some especially tough topics. Jake was most intimidated by “Chickens are too complex to have evolved” but he was confident that his project “My grandfather is not related to monkeys or apes” would win in the end. After all, Jake had the convincing evidence provided by the recent pit bull attack. If his grandfather had evolved from monkeys as these “college educated scientists” and “Doctors of Medicine” would have you believe he would have been able to jump right over that pit bull after he kicked it in the head for putting “the devil’s food” all over the front walk. Monkeys can jump high and grandfathers cannot. Therefore they’re not related in any way.

Sarah had an even tougher time. She was in the eighth grade and was expected to throw down some serious pseudoscience. Her best friend Shelby was presenting “The Thermodynamics of Burning in Hell for Eternity” and Abe, the class president, had been working for months on “Noah’s Ark: A Lesson in Feasibility” in which he kept 100 (50 male 50 female) rabbits in a small, dark, damp box behind the tool shed. He proved that after 30 days and 30 nights the ones that were still alive could still breed and, therefore, Noah could easily have transported a pair of every animal species on Earth in a wooden boat. Sarah’s project “The effect of prayer on the the growth of infectious bacteria on an injured foot” was a long shot to win. Although her grandfather had made a full recovery (other than the toes that God took back) the doctors had insisted on a regimen of penicillin, thus tainting her results.

Will Sarah and Jake win the Science Fair? Will grandpa ever walk without a cane? Will the local ASPCA ruin this year’s science fair like it did last year’s (They gave poor Joseph a citation for his “Study in Kitten Fossilization: Proof the Earth is 6000 years old” project.) Tune in next time to find out!